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1
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A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
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2
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According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
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3
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A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
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4
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A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
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5
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Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
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6
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Air conditioned environment - Do NOT open Windows!
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7
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All computers wait at the same speed.
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8
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All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
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9
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Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!
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10
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All you need to know is the user interface.
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11
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Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
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12
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Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
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13
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Any program that runs right is obsolete.
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14
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A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
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15
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
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16
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A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
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17
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A program is never finished until the programmer dies.
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18
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
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19
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As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
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20
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A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.
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21
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A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.
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22
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Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
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23
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Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
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24
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Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
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25
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Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
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26
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Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
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27
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Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
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28
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Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
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29
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Buy a Pentium IV 2GHz so you can reboot faster.
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30
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Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.
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31
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COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
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32
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Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
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33
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Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
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34
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Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
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35
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Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
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36
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Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
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37
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Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
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38
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Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.
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39
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Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
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40
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Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
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41
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Computers can never replace human stupidity.
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42
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Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
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43
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Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.
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44
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Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
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45
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Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.
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46
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Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
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47
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Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
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48
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Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
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49
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Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
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50
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Don't document the program; program the document.
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51
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Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
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52
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Don't let the computer bugs bite!
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53
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DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!
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54
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DOS Tip #1: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
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55
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DOS Tip #2: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
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56
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Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
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57
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Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
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58
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Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
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59
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Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
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60
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Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
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61
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Every bug you find is the last one.
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62
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Every time I type 'win', I loose ...
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63
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Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
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64
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Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
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65
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.....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
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66
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For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.
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67
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Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
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68
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Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!
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69
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Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....
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70
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Hit any user to continue.
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71
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Home is where the computer is plugged in.
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72
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How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...
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73
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I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
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74
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If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
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75
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If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
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76
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I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.
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77
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, illing everyone inside.
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78
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If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
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79
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If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
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80
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I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.
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81
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I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
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82
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I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
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83
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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
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84
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In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.
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85
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Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.
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86
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It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
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87
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It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.
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88
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It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
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89
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It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...
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90
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I wish life has a scroll back buffer.
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91
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Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
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92
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Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.
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93
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MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.
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94
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Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
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95
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Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
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96
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Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?
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97
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MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.
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98
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Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
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99
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My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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100
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Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
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101
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No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
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102
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Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?
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103
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One person's error is another person's data.
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104
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One picture is worth 128K words.
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105
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Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
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106
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Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!
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107
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Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.
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108
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Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
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109
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Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
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110
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Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....
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111
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Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
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112
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Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.
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113
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RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
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114
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Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
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115
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Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
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116
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Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
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117
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Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
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118
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Speed Kills! Use Windows 95.
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119
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System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
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120
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The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.
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121
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The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
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122
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The name is Baud......, James Baud.
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123
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The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
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124
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The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
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125
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The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
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126
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There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
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127
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There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
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128
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There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
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129
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There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
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130
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These settings will have no effect until you restart the system.
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131
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Reset Universe (Y/N) ?
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132
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Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!
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133
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To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
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134
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To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
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135
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User error: replace user and press any key to continue.
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136
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Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.
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137
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What boots up must come down.
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138
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Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
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139
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Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
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140
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Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?
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141
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Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
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142
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Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
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143
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Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?
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144
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Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.
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145
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WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
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146
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Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
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147
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You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
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148
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You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
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149
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You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.
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150
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You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
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151
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You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
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