|
1
|
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
|
|
2
|
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
|
|
3
|
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
|
|
4
|
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
|
|
5
|
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
|
|
6
|
Air conditioned environment - Do NOT open Windows!
|
|
7
|
All computers wait at the same speed.
|
|
8
|
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
|
|
9
|
Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!
|
|
10
|
All you need to know is the user interface.
|
|
11
|
Alpha. Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
|
|
12
|
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
|
|
13
|
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
|
|
14
|
A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
|
|
15
|
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
|
|
16
|
A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
|
|
17
|
A program is never finished until the programmer dies.
|
|
18
|
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
|
|
19
|
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
|
|
20
|
A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.
|
|
21
|
A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.
|
|
22
|
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
|
|
23
|
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
|
|
24
|
Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
|
|
25
|
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
|
|
26
|
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
|
|
27
|
Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
|
|
28
|
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
|
|
29
|
Buy a Pentium IV 2GHz so you can reboot faster.
|
|
30
|
Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.
|
|
31
|
COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
|
|
32
|
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
|
|
33
|
Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
|
|
34
|
Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
|
|
35
|
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
|
|
36
|
Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
|
|
37
|
Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
|
|
38
|
Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.
|
|
39
|
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
|
|
40
|
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
|
|
41
|
Computers can never replace human stupidity.
|
|
42
|
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
|
|
43
|
Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.
|
|
44
|
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
|
|
45
|
Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.
|
|
46
|
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
|
|
47
|
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
|
|
48
|
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
|
|
49
|
Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
|
|
50
|
Don't document the program; program the document.
|
|
51
|
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
|
|
52
|
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
|
|
53
|
DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!
|
|
54
|
DOS Tip #1: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
|
|
55
|
DOS Tip #2: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
|
|
56
|
Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
|
|
57
|
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
|
|
58
|
Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
|
|
59
|
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
|
|
60
|
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
|
|
61
|
Every bug you find is the last one.
|
|
62
|
Every time I type 'win', I loose ...
|
|
63
|
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
|
|
64
|
Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
|
|
65
|
.....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
|
|
66
|
For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.
|
|
67
|
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
|
|
68
|
Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!
|
|
69
|
Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....
|
|
70
|
Hit any user to continue.
|
|
71
|
Home is where the computer is plugged in.
|
|
72
|
How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...
|
|
73
|
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
|
|
74
|
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
|
|
75
|
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
|
|
76
|
I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.
|
|
77
|
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, illing everyone inside.
|
|
78
|
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
|
|
79
|
If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
|
|
80
|
I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.
|
|
81
|
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
|
|
82
|
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
|
|
83
|
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
|
|
84
|
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.
|
|
85
|
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.
|
|
86
|
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
|
|
87
|
It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.
|
|
88
|
It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
|
|
89
|
It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...
|
|
90
|
I wish life has a scroll back buffer.
|
|
91
|
Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
|
|
92
|
Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.
|
|
93
|
MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.
|
|
94
|
Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
|
|
95
|
Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
|
|
96
|
Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?
|
|
97
|
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.
|
|
98
|
Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
|
|
99
|
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
|
|
100
|
Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
|
|
101
|
No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
|
|
102
|
Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?
|
|
103
|
One person's error is another person's data.
|
|
104
|
One picture is worth 128K words.
|
|
105
|
Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
|
|
106
|
Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!
|
|
107
|
Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.
|
|
108
|
Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
|
|
109
|
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
|
|
110
|
Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....
|
|
111
|
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
|
|
112
|
Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.
|
|
113
|
RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
|
|
114
|
Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
|
|
115
|
Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
|
|
116
|
Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
|
|
117
|
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
|
|
118
|
Speed Kills! Use Windows 95.
|
|
119
|
System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
|
|
120
|
The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.
|
|
121
|
The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
|
|
122
|
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
|
|
123
|
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
|
|
124
|
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
|
|
125
|
The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
|
|
126
|
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
|
|
127
|
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
|
|
128
|
There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
|
|
129
|
There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
|
|
130
|
These settings will have no effect until you restart the system.
|
|
131
|
Reset Universe (Y/N) ?
|
|
132
|
Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!
|
|
133
|
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
|
|
134
|
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
|
|
135
|
User error: replace user and press any key to continue.
|
|
136
|
Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.
|
|
137
|
What boots up must come down.
|
|
138
|
Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
|
|
139
|
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
|
|
140
|
Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?
|
|
141
|
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
|
|
142
|
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
|
|
143
|
Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?
|
|
144
|
Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.
|
|
145
|
WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
|
|
146
|
Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
|
|
147
|
You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
|
|
148
|
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
|
|
149
|
You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.
|
|
150
|
You had mail, but the super-user read it, and DELETED it!
|
|
151
|
You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
|